Romeo and Juliet: Sasuke's warped Solution
by Farawen
Summary: Sasuke is researching Sharingan when Leia bothers the crap out of him while forcing him to read Romeo and Juliet. Little does he know, she has a motive, and a dream causes Sasuke to find himself in Verona! Hilarity ensues. Based on RJ by W. Shakes.
1. Prolouge and Act 1

_**hi everyone! Finals are coming up, and my friend and I were studying for english, and this idea came to me. Warning: mary sue crack, tights, and violence may occur.**_

**_DISCLAIMER: some of the lines_** _**are directly from the play Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare (Folger Shakespeare Library edition, since that's the one im studying from). I do not own or claim the rights to the play, the characters from Naruto, or Billy Shakes himeslf. I'm just a high school student who needed to relieve a little stress before finals. THIS IS PURELY FANMADE!!**_

_  
**since won't let me use asterisks, quotations marked with a bold 'x' are straight from the play**  
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_In order to obtain these eyes, you must kill your closest friend…_

These words were stuck in Sasuke's mind as he poured over countless books, trying to find ways to activate the Mangekyo sharingan. He did not want to use his brother's method.

"Watchya doin'?" Leia peered over his shoulder.

"GAH! Leia, how did you sneak in? The door was locked-never mind, get out."

"Going over sharingan techniques? Mangekyo has to be activated by killing someone, right?" Leia had started flipping a book with the Uchiha crest on the spine.

"Are you volunteering?" Sasuke glared at her.

"Har har, I just came in here to find a copy of Romeo and Juliet, I'm dying to re-read it."

"Sheesh, what a fairy tale. You read that lovey-dovey crap?" Sasuke didn't even look up from his book.

"Well excuse me for being a girl." Leia pulled the play off of a shelf. "Besides, this might help you."

"What the crap? The story of two lovers who die is going to make me stronger…" Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Have you had any other luck?" she teased.

"None of your business…"

"Thought so, I guess you need this more than me" Leia passed the book to Sasuke, who just stared at it like it was infected.

"The key to discovery is looking where nobody would bother to glance at. How do you think penicillin was invented?"

Sasuke just kept his patented emo expression.

"Sheesh, you really are oblivious, do I have to show you the page number?!"

"Get out, you're annoying…" he muttered.

Leia began to leave. "Can I just give you one hint?" She flashed Sasuke her kitty eyes.

"Make it quick" Sasuke groaned with his nose back in his books.

"Friar Lawrence." Leia stuck out her tounge.

"GO AWAY!" Sasuke yelled as he threw a shuriken, which landed on the wall next to her head.

"Okay! Okay! Don't kill me!" Leia backed out of the room.

_"Romeo and Juliet? Heh, as if this stupid love story can help me achieve my goals"_ Sasuke thought. Regardless, he began reading the prologue.

"**Two households, both alike in dignity (In fair Verona where we lay our scene)**

**An ancient grudge breaks to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean" x  
**

Sasuke soon found himself on a dark cobblestone street, holding a sword and wearing a poofy shirt.

"_What the crap? Where am I? It's so dark…"_

"Give me a torch. I am not for this ambling. Being but heavy I will bear the light."**x**

"Hey, that's not bad!" said Leia who was suddenly standing next to him. She was wearing a poofy black shirt.

"Leia? What are you doing here?"

"I'm Mercutio, duh! Gentle Romeo, we must away to the feast of Capulet!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!" Sasuke was getting really annoyed and drew his sword.

"Okay, save the fighting for act 3." Leia cowered.

"You need to find a way to achieve your goals, right? You've been pouring over ninjutsu books night after night, but haven't found anything! I'm just trying to get you to expand your horizons, you might be surprised."

"How do you know how long I've been studying?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Um…er…because this is a dream! Woooooo! verrrry scaaarry" She flailed around and flapped her arms.

"Works for me" he shrugged and the two began towards the Capulet mansion.

"Hey wait a second…" Sasuke stopped in his tracks and pointed at her. "WHY ARENT YOU JULIET?! ISNT THIS YOUR FAVORITE PLAY?!"

Leia started laughing. "Because Mercutio is my favorite character, plus Juliet has to wear that stupid boob-dress during the balcony scene."

Sasuke's nose began to bleed at the mental image of Leia wearing a boob-dress. She slapped him.

"HENTAI! Stop imagining me wearing that! Besides, mine aren't _that_ big!"

"How did you…"

"Because it's a DREAM, Wooooo" She began flailing her arms again. This time, Sasuke was the one to slap her. "STOP THAT!" he screamed. "Can you just fill me in on the plot so far?"

Leia stopped woo-ing and flailing. "Hold it…you've never read Romeo and Juliet?"

Sasuke just stared at her.

"HOLYCRAPPLE! I can't believe it!" Leia began spazzing out until Sasuke drew his sword. She immediately stopped. Sasuke looked at his sword, it was really useful.

"Okay, here it is in a nutshell. You are a Montague and Juliet is a Capulet, the families are bitter rivals. Romeo, that's you, is in love with a girl named Rosaline. She has sworn to a life of chastity, and you are really depressed and emo. I, aka Mercutio, want you to get out more, so we're going to sneak into the Capulet party and you fall in love with Juliet without knowing she is the enemy. Here's a copy of the play, just don't read ahead." She tossed him a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet.

The two reached the party while Sasuke skimmed the first act.

"Wait a second…where's Benvolio? Shouldn't he be with us?"

"Um, well, nobody wanted the part so…" Leia sweatdropped. "I offered it to Shino, but he isn't really the artistic type. Hark! The Capulet mansion!"

The two snuck in and immediately separated in the chaos.

"Leia, where are you? I need you to help me!" Sasuke called. He looked at the book and opened to the party scene. "_Okay, now is the part where I see Juliet._" He looked to his right and saw a pretty girl wearing a pink mask, but wait, her hair was pink too.

"SAKURA?!"

She turned her head and smiled. Sasuke grabbed her hand, but tripped over a shoelace and soon his fingers weren't the only thing touching her hand.

"Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much-"**x**

"No, I didn't mean it…I don't like you like that…" Sasuke turned red.

"Teehee, Sasuke-kun, you're so cute like this! I'm Juliet, you know…"

"_Oh HELL no! This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare!_"

Sakura hauled him to a corner. "Now's the part where you kiss me!"

Sasuke made a face. "Where's Leia?"

"You mean you'd rather be with _her_ than me? _I'm_ Juliet you baka!"  
INNER SAKURA: this is my only chance!

Sakura grabbed his shirt and pulled him in. She kissed him hard on the mouth. Sasuke looked out of the corner of his eye and saw Leia smirking.

"You kiss by the book!"**x **said Sakura, suddenly in character. Sasuke started gagging and ran in the opposite direction.

"See you tomorrow at Friar Lawrence's!" She called after him.

"_Wait…Friar Lawrence? Wasn't that what Leia-"_ he thought interrupted by none other than the Fem-Mercutio herself.

"So much for act 1, did you learn anything yet?"

"Not yet, except that no matter how pretty she looks, Sakura is still insane. Why couldn't Hinata be Juliet? She's shy, but at least she's not a stalker!"

"Are you kidding? I couldn't do that to Hinata! She is head over heels in love with Naruto-kun!"

"She is?"

Leia faceplanted.

"You're clueless. Anyway, take a break and enjoy the party before act 2. You might want to read scene 1 before you scale the wall to Juliet's room." She took the book and flipped to the balcony scene for Sasuke.

"I WHAT?!"

"tootles!" Leia disappeared into the party, and Sasuke went to hide in the men's bathroom where he would be safe from rabid fangirls

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_**rate and review!**_. 


	2. Act II part 1

**_DISCLAIMER (Again): some of the lines_** _**are directly from the play Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare (Folger Shakespeare Library edition.) I do not own or claim the rights to the play, the characters from Naruto, or Billy Shakes himeslf. I'm just a high school student who needed to relieve a little stress before finals. THIS IS PURELY FANMADE AND I DONT TAKE CREDIT FOR SHAKESPEARES WORKS!!**_

_  
**since fanfiction dot net won't let me use asterisks, quotations marked with a bold 'x' are straight from the play**_

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"ROMEO! HUMORS! PASSION! MADMAN! LOVER!**x**" Leia called to the mansion, the feast had ended, and Sas- er…Romeo was nowhere to be found. She circled to the back and saw him climbing the wall towards Juliet's room. "I know you're mad that Sakura is Juliet, but what are you doing?"

"She wouldn't leave me alone, so I knocked her out and hid her in the closet" Sasuke called back.

"You WHAT?! SASUKE YOU IDIOT!"

"I'm looking for that Rosaline woman! She is the one I'm supposedly in love with, right?"

"GET BACK HERE!"

"NO! YOU'RE INSANE"

"Fine. I CONJURE THEE BY ROSALINE'S BRIGHT EYES, BY HER HIGH FORHEAD AND HER SCARLET LIP, BY HER FINE FOOT, STRAIGHT LEG AND QUIVERING THIGH"**x**

Sasuke got distracted by this and fell off the balcony.

"Ow, why did you do that?" he snapped while clutching his head.

"Because thanks to you, we don't have a Juliet for perhaps the most famous scene in Shakespeare! How could you?!"

"You jest at scars that have never felt a wound!"**x**

"Don't be such a baby, Sakura can't be that bad!"

"She snuck into my room covered in Reddi-Whip one night, it's that bad!"

"Okay, move over." She pushed him aside and began climbing the wall.

"What on earth are you doing?" Sasuke asked.

"We need a Juliet, thanks to you, and I'm out of ideas…" She yelled down at him, already halfway up. Sasuke just stared at her as she continued climbing. When Leia reached the top, she swung herself over the balcony. "Let's make this quick, and don't even think I'm wearing that dress!"

Leia picked up a flower that was sitting on the ledge of the balcony, and tucked it behind her ear. She took a deep breath and began.

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet..."**x**

"_Whoa, she's not bad at this Old English stuff." _Sasuke thought. "_Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?_"**x**

"Tis but thy name, that is my enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any part belonging to a man...O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose would smell as sweet. So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for thy name, which is no part of thee, Take all myself."**x**

Sasuke stood looking terrified.

"PSST! Sasuke, it's your line"

"Leia, look out!"

"YOU WANTON, HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY ROMEO" Sakura punched Leia in the stomach.

"Um…Hi Sakura, I guess you're awake-"

"DON'T TALK TO ME!" Sakura looked down at Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, I'm sorry I wasn't here. Some crazy person knocked me out during the party!"

Sasuke twitched. "Wait, this is my dream, right? Don't I have some say in who is who?"

Leia sighed while hunched over from Sakura's punch. "Sorry Sasuke, that's not how it works. Remember the dream I had where I was submerged in butterscotch pudding? I wanted vanilla but nooo..."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Can we just skip to the next part? I really don't feel like confessing my love to anyone, especially her!" He pointed at Sakura.

"_-Sniff_-, you're mean, Sasuke-kun!"

"Well, you're useless and annoying!"

"Fine! I'm going to marry Paris. Leia, you can be Juliet and marry that meaniepants!"

Sakura stormed off and Sasuke continued twitching.

"Guess this makes me Juliet…and Mercutio. Oh man, this sucks!"

Sakura suddenly ran back out. "Please, Sasuke-kun! I just wanted to make you jealous! Please say you love me!"

He rolled his eyes. In a monotone, he sighed "Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow-"**x**

"O, SWEAR NOT BY THE MOON!**x**" Sakura threw a rock at him and knocked him backwards.

"What shall I swear by?"**x** asked Sasuke, still on the ground.

"Do not swear at all! Or if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe in thee."**x** Sakura was now completely over-acting. Leia at this point had pulled a mission impossible on the wall, and disappeared into the night.

Sasuke was feeling major hatred towards his subconscious, and just stared off into space.

"PSST! Sasuke-kun, now's the part where you try to win my love"

"Actually, can we make this quick? I really need to wake up and get back to my research." Sasuke skimmed through the balcony scene in the book, nodded in some places and rolled his eyes at others. Finally, he closed the book and said "see you at Friar Lawrence's tomorrow" while walking off into the night.

"WAIT SASUKE-KUN COME BACK!"

Sasuke cupped his hands over his ears and hummed to himself while Sakura kept shouted at him.

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_**Plz review!!**_


	3. the rest of Act II

**_once again, I marked quotes straight from the play with a bold 'x'_**

**_I don't own the play or Naruto or anything like that, if you want more of a disclaimer, read the previous chapters._**

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The next morning, (well, in his dream) Sasuke made his way to Friar Lawrence's cell.

"Good morrow, father"**x** he waved. Friar Lawrence turned around, and Sasuke realized that "father" wasn't the best term to use.

"TSUNADE-SAMA?!"

"Benedicite" She smiled. (Note: means "bless you" and is used as a greeting) "What early tongue so sweet saluteth me?"**x**

"You're Friar Lawerence?"

"Yep! I was going to be the nurse but Kakashi offered to take that part instead. I heard you never made it home last night."

Sasuke looked confused, the dream just sort of skipped to the next morning.

Tsunade's jaw dropped. "God pardon sin! Wast thou with Rosaline?"**x**

"With Rosaline, my ghostly father? No. I have forgot that name and that name's woe."**x **Sasuke didn't even know what she looked like, except for the description Leia used to make him fall off a building.

"That's my good son. But where hast thou been then?"**x**

"With two Juliets and Mercutio…long story." Sasuke leaned against a wall and sighed deeply.

"I need you to marry me and Juliet."

"What about Leia and your blog entries?" Tsunade asked. (Note: reference to my Naruto Online Chat series)

"Sorry, but Leia is playing dude in this dream, and I have made a strict _no yaoi_ policy with my subconscious …wait, how do you know about my blog entries?!"

She laughed. "I know because this is a dream, WOOOOOO verrry scaaaarry." Tsunade flailed around like a sick bird.

"Ugh not you too…" Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Could you just marry us? Sure I have this thing for Leia, but Sakura looks pretty too…for a stalker…I guess."

"Young men's love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes"**x **Tsunade wagged her finger at him. "Don't be shallow, it's not attractive."  
Sasuke was getting desperate. "PLEASE?! I need to get this stupid dream over with so I can wake up and get back to work."

Tsunade groaned "fine, but remember this when you wake up and I ask you for a favor."

"But this is a dream, thus it is I who is doing myself a favor."

"Ah, touché"

Sasuke left the church and saw Leia outside, wearing a tank top instead of her poofy shirt.

Sasuke headtilted "what the heck are you wearing?"

"It's like 90 degrees out and I was getting uncomfortable in that stupid shirt, so I changed."

"How will people know who you are? You're supposed to be a guy and you're wearing a tank top that's showing…" Sasuke got really nervous and started using hand gestures.

"I get the point, that's why I have this!" She pulled out one of those generic "HELLO! My name is…" nametags with _MERCUTIO_♥ scribbled across it in sharpie and stuck it to her shirt.

"See? It's the same thing!"

"If you say so…but I still think you look rather feminine for my best guy friend."

Just then, Kakashi approached the two of them and waved. "God you good morrow, gentlemen."**x**

"SEE? I _told_ you people still think I'm a dude" said Leia as she smacked Sasuke upside the head. "God you good morrow, gentlewoman!"**x** she said waving at Kakashi.

Sasuke twitched. "_Is my subconscious gender-confused?_" he thought.

"No, Sasuke, you're subconscious is not gender confused, I'm the nurse!" said Kakashi.

"Woah wait, how did you read my mind?"

"Because this is a dream! Wooooo verrrry scaaaarrryyyy, bleh!" Both Leia and Kakashi started waving their arms in front of them. and going "bleeeeeeh!"

"STOP THAT! MUST YOU DO THAT EVERY TIME?! IT'S GETTING REALLY OLD!"

"Party pooper" the two said in unison as they stared at Sasuke with sad kitty eyes.

"Well I should go, need to find a Tybalt before act 3" said Leia, looking at her watch.

"Farewell, ancient lady. Farewell, lady, lady, lady."**x** She began running down the street and Kakashi pulled out a copy of _Make Out Paradise_.

"She sure does love act 3. What happens then, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I can't tell you that. All I can say is, heh, good luck."

"Wow, we're off track. Here you go, this is from Sak-er, Juliet" Kakashi handed Sasuke a piece of paper. It said:

_HI SASUKE-KUN!_

_When do u wanna get married?_

_I can sneak out today around 2:00_

_xoxo_

_-Sakura_

Sasuke, reading it's contents, dropped it like a hot potato. "EW! Do I really have to marry her?" he lit a match and threw it on the ground so it set the note on fire.

Kakashi sighed, "You do if you want to wake up from this. I personally vote you marry her and on the wedding night, sneak up behind her and stab a point blank. Is that too mean?"

"A little, but she's going to die at the end anyway, so I should just suck it up."

Kakashi nodded in agreement and took off. "I'll tell her to meet you at Friar Lawerence's cell."

Sasuke pinched himself repeatedly.

"_gotta wake up, gotta wake up, gotta wake up_"

Back at the Capulet mansion, Sakura was waiting eagerly for Kakashi's return, and news of her marriage.

"Oh God she comes, Oh honey nurse, what news?"**x** she squealed, seeing Kakashi enter her bedroom, still reading his porno.

"Your love says he will wait for you at Friar Lawerence's cell." He didn't even bother to look up from the pages. "There stays a husband to make you a wife."**x**

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sakura started jumping up and down at this news.  
"I'm gonna marry Sasuke-kun! I'm gonna marry Sasuke-kun!" she sang.

Sasuke waited by the church, but nobody came.

"Where is everyone? Shouldn't there at least be Sakura and Tsunade-sama here?"

Just then, Leia began running up the street towards him. She arrived at the church and started panting.

"I…-_gasp-_ forgot…-_gasp- _…t_-_to tell you…"

"What happened? Do I still have to marry Sakura?"

"Nice try." Leia began to establish regular breathing patterns again. "I forgot to mention that the marriage happens offstage."

"Great, now what?" Sasuke was irritated.

"Wanna get some Gelato? We are in Italy after all…"

"I hate sweet things, but I'll get coffee. Wait, neither of us has money…"

"What part of _THIS IS A DREAM, WOOOO_ don't you get? Hello! Free gelato!"

"Oh I am so there!"

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_**and so much for act II...**_


	4. Act III i

_**FINALS ARE OVER! Which means I can work on this without feeling guilty :P**_

_**this is just a fanfiction I started to de-stress myself, and what's more fun than Sasuke in tights?**_

_**once again, i dun own Naruto or Romeo and Juliet. Quotations straight from the play are marked with a bold 'x'**_

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Sasuke and Leia were walking down the street, enjoying their dream-gelato. 

"Wait a minute, this isn't even sweet!"

"Don't you hate sweet things?" asked Leia, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. But why is that? I thought until now I was a rational person, but my subconscious produced non-sugary sweets, why is that?"

Sasuke stared at his gelato as if insulted by it.

"Okay, lets get one thing straight. You are not a rational person." Leia finished her gelato and fished a Sigmund Freud action figure from her pocket, pushing a button on its back.

"LEETS TEKK A PEEK AT VHAT YUHR SUBCONCIOUS IS SAYVING" said the Freud doll, I mean _-ahem-_ action figure, in a really bad Austrian accent.

"What Freud here means is that this whole vendetta against Itachi isn't healthy. I know where you're coming from and all, but is it really worth isolating yourself? You say that you need to restore your clan, but good luck getting anyone to date you with that emo attitude of yours. This isn't an Abercrombie magazine; looks aren't enough to woo a lover, which reminds me, _Taming of the Shrew _is the next play on your list-"

"What does this have to do with gelato?"

"Let Freud finish!" exclaimed Leia as she jabbed Sasuke with the action figure.

"Ow! Fine..."

Leia continued. "You need to think about what will happen after you kill your best friend to kill Itachi. Who will you return to? Nobody will look at you the same way, and good luck finding a girl in Konoha with an IQ higher than a raisin that will be with you. Murder-for-murder isn't the only option. You know this, and yet you're still the same, which is illogical and why-"

"-I'm dreaming of unsweetened gelato."

"That's right. Thanks, Freud!" Leia pushed the button again and Freud cooed "Oedipus complex… " before he was shoved back into her pocket. Sasuke just stood looking dumbfounded.

"You call me insane?! You're the one who _CARRIES _a_ FREUD action figure_."

"Actually, it's you carrying Sig here. This is your dream, right? I'm just an image of your subconscious dressed as a Shakespeare character."

"I hate logic…"

Both just continued walking down the street when they were stopped by none other than.

"NARUTO?!"

"Eheheh, I hope you don't mind, Sasuke. It was short notice and..." Leia started, but Naruto cut her off.

"Romeo, the love I bare thee can afford no better term than this: thou art a villain **x **dattebayo!" He drew his sword. "You want to kill me for your stupid revenge plot!"

"I do protest I never injured thee but love thee better than thou canst devise"** x **Sasuke tried to stop Naruto from advancing, but to no avail.

"Sasuke! This is just a dream. It's not the real Naruto, don't hold back!"

"Are you kidding?! You make me listen to that Freud speech and now you expect me to kill him?!"  
"Well, if you won't…" Leia drew her Freud action figure. "Come sir, your _passado_" **x**

Leia and Naruto began dueling, and Sasuke put his sword in between them.

"Hold, Tybalt! Good Mercutio!"**x**

With this blocking Leia, Naruto used a kunai and stab Leia in the stomach. She staggered and fell over backwards.

"A plague on both your houses!"**x** whispered Leia, as she closed her eyes.

"Naruto, look what you've done! You've slain Mercutio!" Sasuke drew his sword and advanced on Naruto.

"Chill Sasuke…retractable kunai" said Leia, pushing in the tip repeatedly with her finger. "As if we'd _actually_ try and kill each other." She and Naruto started laughing and took turns jabbing the kunai into each others heads.

"You guys are so immature…" Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto helped Leia up.

"Ouch, I think I twisted something, stupid cobblestone streets…" Leia took a few wobbly steps. Sasuke bent down and lifted up her pant leg.

"Yep, it's a sprain all right. This is what you get for horsing around."

"Ask for me tomorrow and you'll find me a grave man" **x **Leia snickered.

"Huh?" He was confused.

Naruto reached under Leia's shoulder and acted as a crutch. "Nice knowing you, we're dead now. See ya!" The two hobbled off into the sunset.

"Wait, how will I get through the rest without you? Guys? COME BACK!" Sasuke started freaking out.

"OH, I AM FORTUNES FOOL" **x**

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_**c'mon, i couldnt kill Naruto-kun!**_

_**plz review n.n**_


	5. Act III ii, iii

**here it is! act 3 scenes 2 and 3.**

**Romeo and Juliet belongs to William Shakespeare. Hopefully this fic won't make him turn in his grave...**

**Naruto (c) Kishimoto**

**screw this bold 'x' crap, lines directly from the play are italicized.**

* * *

Sakura was sitting in her room, hugging a Hello Kitty pillow. Since she was now married, she was able do the nasty with Sasuke. 

"_Gallop apace, you firey-footed steeds,  
Towards Phoebus' lodging. Such a wagoner  
As Phaeton would whip you to the west  
And bring in cloudy night immedietly _ yada yada yad_a  
Come, gentle night; come, loving black browed nigh,  
Give me Romeo, and when I shall die_-"

Before she could finish her long (and impossible to type) monologue, Kakashi barged in.

"_Ah, weraday, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!"_

"Who's dead? Not my Sasuke-kins! NOOOO! I'LL DIE ALONE!"

"Let me finish!" Kakashi smacked Sakura over the head with his book.

"_Tybalt is gone and Romeo banished. Romeo that killed him – he is banished_"

"Sheesh, don't scare me like that…" Sakura stopped spazzing and clutched her heart, which was beating faster than The Flash.

"You don't care about Naruto?"

"Not really." Sakura swept a bubblegum lipsmackers stick across her lips. "He's annoying"

Kakashi made a face and looked at his shuriken pouch, tempted to throw a few at her face. Rolling his eyes, he said, "Stupid Sasuke, why did you have to cause such a fuss?"

"How dare you speak ill of my husband!" Sakura threw the Hello Kitty pillow at Kakashi, which got wedged in his spikey hair.

"Well, he's the one who started this mess…" Kakashi tried to free the pillow from his hair, but couldn't get it out.

Sakura's eyes became really huge and shiny.

"Oh crap, another monolouge..." thought Kakashi

"_Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband?  
Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name,  
When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it?  
But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin?  
That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband:  
Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring;  
Your tributary drops belong to woe,  
Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy.  
My husband lives, that Tybalt would have slain;  
And Tybalt's dead, that would have slain my husband:  
All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then?  
Some word there was, worser than Tybalt's death,  
That murder'd me: I would forget it fain;  
But, O, it presses to my memory,  
Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:  
'Tybalt is dead, and Romeo--banished;'  
That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,'  
Hath slain ten thousand Tybalts. Tybalt's death  
Was woe enough, if it had ended there"_

"I thought you didn't care about Naruto" Kakashi interrupted. "Why are you so emotionally tormented?"

"Well, I need more fans, and they seem to like emo freaks that can't make up their minds" Sakura pointed out.

Kakashi patted her on the head. "Good luck with that"

Meanwhile, Sasuke was being dragged by the ear to Friar Lawrence's cell by Tsunade.

"_Romeo, come forth; come forth, thou fearful man:_

_Affliction is enamour'd of thy parts,_

_And thou art wedded to calamity."_

"Wait, I never wanted to be wedded in the first place!" Sasuke yelled. "What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, in short, you're banished." Tsunade said bluntly.

"BUT THEY'RE NOT DEAD! MERCUTIO AND ROMEO JUST WALKED OFF!"

"Not according to _this!_" Tsunade held up Sasuke's copy of the play. _"Hence from Verona art thou banished: Be patient, for the world is broad and wide."_

"How can I be patient? All I wanted was a way to kill my brother as quickly as possible. Now I'm being dragged all over this stupid play, and can't seem to wake up!"

"It'll be okay, there's only 2 acts left and then you'll wake up-"

Sasuke wasn't listening. "LEIA I HATE YOU! AS SOON AS I WAKE UP, YOUR ASS IS GETTING KICKED!" Sasuke cursed to the celing.

"_O, then I see that madmen have no ears."_ Tsunade hung her head in surrender.

Just then, there was a banging on the door.

"_Let me come in, and you shall know  
my errand;  
I come from Lady Juliet."_

Tsunade opened the door. "Come in, Kakashi."

He entered and pointed at Sasuke.

"_O, he is even in my mistress' case,  
Just in her case! O woful sympathy!  
Piteous predicament! Even so lies she,  
Blubbering and weeping, weeping and blubbering.  
Stand up, stand up; stand, and you be a man:  
For Juliet's sake, for her sake, rise and stand;  
Why should you fall into so deep an O?"_

"Look, I didn't do anything! It's not my fault that Tybalt is dead!"

"Oh, Sakura isn't crying about that…" Kakashi mentioned. "She's crying over the fact that she doesn't have as many fans as you and Naruto. Go comfort her."

"Do I have to?" whined Sasuke.

"IT'S IN THE SCRIPT!" both Kakashi and Tsunade yelled in unison.

"Okay, I'm going, but your names are going in my revenge notebook"

* * *

**plz review :3**


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